Well, I've put this off long enough. Still don't want to do it... but I should. Maybe in the long run it will help me with the grieving process. I had posted quite a while ago that Rory had a mass deep in her throat. Her condition went downward pretty fast at the end. I had to make the decision to have her put to sleep on the 21st of March, 2014. No more pain for my old girl! (I had rushed my mother to the hospital the day before. Talk about emotional stress!) Anyway, I dug a grave out in the corner lot near the sycamore tree. That's where she used to LOVE to RUN! That gorgeous coat of hers glistening in the sunlight. And when my granddaughter was really little, she used to watch Rory and yell out "Run Ro Ro, Run!" I think I want to have that put on a marker for her grave. So many good times, running and playing over there.
You know I usually try to put a positive spin on things, so since I had a bunch of Rory's fur that I'd had to cut off.... I decided to put it out into the vines and bushes where the birds could gather it to weave into their nests. I'm happy to report that many a nestling around here was cushioned by that beautiful Rory fur! The first bird to come and get some.. almost immediately after I put it out.. was a wren. That in itself has special meaning to me. It did my heart good!
For a while anyway. Then I got it torn out again. And really mangled badly.
I knew Ahulee was having more problems with his arthritis, but I thought that was all it was. And he had turned 13 years of age in March, so he wasn't a young fellow anymore! Plus I was still reeling from the loss of Rory, along with caring for my mother. I was distracted and busy.... hopefully I've learned my lesson. MAKE plenty of time for hugs and attention!! No matter what.
I took Ahulee into his doctor so we could explore ways to make him more comfortable with the arthritis. She saw some things that I had overlooked and so they did blood tests. Those were all over the board! So the next step was x-rays. The tech asked me to come into the room while he was still resting on the table. The x-ray showed this "thing" growing in his liver. It had enlarged and was pressing and squeezing the other organs out of position. It was huge. Also we could see just how bad his arthritis was... the whole lower part of his spine looked like it was fused together. He was in so much pain! And he had never complained. He had just kept going.
I wanted to take him home for a day or two. I know it was selfish, but I didn't get that chance with Rory. So armed with some painkillers we proceeded home. Spent a lot of time just hanging out. The younger dogs and the cats all seemed to know that this was the last time we'd be together as a family (in this physical world anyway). No squabbles, no fights! No hissing about things! Everyone was really being their very best little Self. Amazing.
April 16th, 2014: Got up early and dug his grave right beside Rory's. Followed our usual morning routine and then anointed his chakras and paws with beautiful perfumed and essential oils. At the vet's office, she had a candle lit. That's something that I really like about her. That candle is always there to light their way Home. It all went very smoothly, he was so ready to drop the body and travel free.
While I was filling in the grave, the osprey came and landed on the old dead pine tree across the street and watched..... just like it had done when I buried Rory. It felt like the sadness was crushing my heart and lungs, but the sense of Peace was an astounding thing. A soft breeze wrapped itself around me as I labored with the shovel... and I found the strength to continue my task and see it through to its completion.
A pack of dogs sat and laid in the shade of that sycamore as I worked. A couple of cats watched from the tree branches. They had come to bring me comfort... and I could feel that. But it was really hard to accept that gift from them. Then I caught a glimpse of Jesse. Letting me know that his brother was safe and sound. It was a wonderful moment...... but my heart was breaking... and it still is.
My Medicine Dog is gone.